Day 26 of Jim's Recovery

Today we had a huge step for Dad. Tonight Dad was able to attend our Ecumenical Program that was held at the Grace Baptist Church in Bountiful. Every year several different religious organizations from around Davis County get together and put on a program to ring in the Christmas season. Dad has been involved in singing in this program with the Bountiful Community Church for the past 2 years. As Dad began to remember more and more and was able to express himself better, he has been asking us if he could go. We weren't sure until today that we should take him. I know Dad is healing quickly but he did have a head trauma and we don't just want to throw him into the thick of things. Well, all week Dad has been telling us he wants to go but that he can't sing. So we decided to try it.

I played my flute in the program and was so excited to have Dad there. I couldn't sit down and kept pacing until he arrived. Then when Mom and I got him out of the car we were concerned about the stairs. Dad got irritated at us and told us we were treating him like a cripple. I said "Dad, if you could have seen yourself two weeks ago, you would understand why we are so paranoid." Dad had absolutely no trouble with the stairs and in fact lifted his walker almost above his head as he went up them. Smart butt!

Everyone who knew Dad that attended, were thrilled to see Dad. Dad did surprisingly well, considering this was his first time out of the hospital and rehab facility. He seemed to remember everyone that came up and said hi. He couldn't quite remember names but was very excited to see our BCC choir group. It was a little sad to see the program because we had originally put Dad as our program director and accompanist. I did send an e-mail to have them change his name but apparently they didn't, so Dad's name was still on the program.

When our group went up Dad did get a little emotional. You could see it in his eyes. But every time I looked at him while playing he was bobbing his head to the music and cheering us on. It would not have been the same if Dad had missed the program. At the end of the program all the groups go to the front for a finale song and the audience sings along. Our group decided to hang back and as the audience sang Dad was singing along with us. This is so fabulous because he has been having trouble remembering songs. Dad gets extremely frustrated because he can't remember the words to his own songs that he has written. So to hear Dad remembering words to "Silent Night" makes me very hopeful that his own songs will soon follow.

Dad was able to sit through the entire program which was an hour and a half. After the program was over he told us how well we did and how much he enjoyed our choice of songs. He also told us Monday he is going to speak to his doctor about leaving the rehab facility. He told us he does not need to be there any longer. Which obviously he doesn't. I hate red tape. I hope that we can get through all the red tape on Monday and get him home.

I think the more Dad has contact with the things he did prior to the accident the quicker his memory will come back. Hopefully his humor will return soon also because he can be pretty ornery. He gets so mad at himself for not being able to remember words correctly or names. He also gets mad when we try to help him even when he does truly need help.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Yesterday I took some cards to Dad and he was able to read some words off of them. I was totally thrown back because earlier that day he had tried to play Scrabble and couldn't play. So perhaps just putting the words together is difficult to remember but once the words are in front of him he can read them. It was awesome to hear him try to read.

Day 25 of Jim's Recovery

"Don't let us get sick, don't let us get old, don't let us get stupid alright, just make us be brave, and make us play nice, and let us be together tonight." One of Dad's favorite songs. Apparently played it every morning to warm up at church.

Our cousin Brian passed away today in a motocross accident, and our good friend Brittany also passed away. Dad knows and remembers both. So I apologize if I don't update this for a few days. I don't know perhaps it's the only thing that will get me through all of this. I couldn't sleep until I wrote all this down. Love you Dad, love you Bri, love you Brit.

Dad is progressing well but struggles still in speech. This truly frustrates Dad because language was what he excelled at. Though, I was surprised when he was able to read a few words on a card this evening. Apparently Scrabble, the game, trips him up. He'll get it sooner or later.

Dad looks forward to tomorrow when we he gets to go to the BCC ecumenical program. He kept asking me the time it starts. Can't wait for Dad to get out and about.

Day 23 and 24 of Jim's Recovery

Happy Thanksgiving all! Not too much to report from yesterday because it was a holiday and therefore Dad didn't see any of the therapists. Dad did have lots of family visitors so he wasn't lonely on Thanksgiving. I stopped by around 3:00PM and brought my lab, Hintza. She adores Dad and was very excited to see him. Dad recognized her and tried to remember her name. She kept standing up on the bed and putting her head underneath Dad's chin. Dad told us that he wanted to take "his boys" for a walk. He couldn't remember his dogs names but it was great that he could remember he had dogs!

I took Dad some Honey Baked Ham and Garlic Mashed Potatoes for lunch. At the time he didn't want to eat it, so I'm not sure if he got to enjoy it. Though Erin said she stopped by around 5:00PM and took Dad some of Cindy's (Erin's Mother-in-law) gourmet turkey dinner. Erin said that Dad was "gobbling" it up, (hee hee) and taking great big bites. Mom had to leave the room because she was so worried he would choke, but he wouldn't stop taking big mouths full.

Today, November 27th, Dad had a very busy day. Apparently, he saw his therapist and the doctor. I will get those details from Mom tomorrow (or today because I'm writing this at 2:00AM) for all of you. Dad had several visitors and so did not have any dull moments.

Dad keeps asking to come home and Mom and I have to be really careful not to let our emotions control our desire for him to be home. We were trying to get Dad discharged so that he could come home and finish his therapy. But today with all the work he did and with seeing the doctor we hope that Dad can grin and bare it so that we can take advantage of the great therapy he is getting. It's really hard to leave Dad in the evenings but I think if we can all just hang in there one more week it's going to move Dad along even further.

Yes, Dad does have four hour time slots he can use to get out of the facility and we may try to use one of those times on Sunday. Dad keeps asking to go to church, which seems ironic to me. Huh, Ironic might not be the correct word. Growing up Dad was never a religious man and he only started going back to the church he was raised at when he began a new job. Then he started playing in the Community Churches choir and Dad hardly ever missed a service after that. Now he is asking to go back to church even though he can't sing. It just blows my mind that going to church is his priority when he was so against religion growing up. The Community Church has been such a place of camaraderie and friendship that I understand why he wants to return as soon as he can. Plus, living a miracle certainly changes ones perspective on life. Erin says that Dad was taking about things he remembered from the hospital and he keeps on talking about himself in third person. Wonder if he had an out of body experience? Either way thank goodness for the Community Church that gives Dad such a feeling of purpose. A great big hug and thanks goes out to the Bountiful Community Church Members. You folks are amazing! We love you.

Day 22 of Jim's Recovery

Well day 22 brings us amazing miracles! Dad is eating on his own, using the restroom, and walking! Dad is starting to use full sentences more and doesn't mumble incoherent words. He uses a ton of sounds and is getting ornery with Mom! It's so wonderful!

I went in late this evening when I found out Dad was eating. So I made Dad a delicious Split Pea soup because I could only imagine what awful things they were serving him. When I got there thank goodness I decided to make him dinner. He had mashed potatoes, patoes is what Dad called them, broccoli, and some strange mystery meat. I mean this meat was scary! It was worse then school lunch. I couldn't tell if it was meatloaf or something my cat coughed up! Needless to say Dad gobbled up the soup! Dad doesn't have much of an appetite yet but at least he is eating. He does still have difficulty with liquids. The faster the substances travels down his throat the less response time his muscles have to react. This will just take therapy and time. But the speech therapist are happy and he is no longer on the feeding tube. We do have to wait until we can take the entire tube out but at least he is not connected to a long line.

Today the physical therapist brought Dad a walker and he was able to walk up and down the hall. Dad uses his right side quite a bit and is no longer non responsive with that side. It is still a little weak but not enough to inhibit him from walking or needing help so that the leg doesn't buckle underneath him. Dad is having trouble with his right ankle and this is the reason he can't walk far. We suspect that he has gout though tests came back negative. Like I said before we took x-rays and do not understand why it is bothering him. It could be that he just pulled some ligaments while falling and we just have to wait for them to heal. We are doing everything we can to get that healed.

Dad's speech has dramatically changed. The problem Dad has is with names of people, places, and things (hee hee, nouns!) So we are supposed to ask him to give descriptions of items. Also, he has a hard time following conversations for the same reason, he doesn't know what the names are for things. Remember, the part of Dad's brain that was affect was his speech. We didn't know what would be affected until he started getting better. So now we are just beginning to understand what part of his brain was affected by the bleeding and swelling.

Dad's occupational therapist had Dad play his guitar yesterday. I'm extremely happy to inform you that Dad was able to play his guitar, but he could not sing. He couldn't remember the words to his songs or any songs. This will just take time and practice. Who knows, he may struggle with speech the rest of his life, but the miracles we have seen leads me to believe that he will overcome this too! So don't feel bad if Dad can't remember your name. He remembers people, just not names. He asked my sister this morning "What is my best friends name?" Erin said "Byron." Dad remarked "That's right," and repeated the name over and over again.

So basically we are trying to get Dad home. We think that he can continue his physical therapy at home but no longer needs the assistance of a nursing facility. Unfortunately, this is the Thanksgiving weekend and of course no one works. Dad asks everyday if he is coming home. He tells us every evening that he will be going home tomorrow. Anyone have connections with case management at the U of U so that we can get him discharged? It's hard to slow things down though when you see how far Dad has come. He told us this evening that he wants to go to church this Sunday but that he won't be able to sing. So part of me wants to get him to the church where he can be surrounded by friends and support, but I have to stop and remember that just sitting up to eat his dinner makes him tired. Oh, it's so hard to wait. But we do have to consider that Dad's brain is still healing even though he has come so far. Heck, if it was me I would take him home tonight, make him a huge Thanksgiving feast, and have him play guitar in the Ecumenical program. But, I have to stop myself or be reminded that Dad needs time to heal even though he seems to be on the quick mend.

Day 21 of Jim's Recovery

I have a massive headache this evening, so I apologize again for a short blog. I visited Dad for only a short amount of time today and haven't yet had a chance to speak with Mom. When I arrived there Dad was in with the speech therapist and he was eating. He ate quite a bit of lunch, or whatever they served for lunch. I guess Dad still has some difficulty with really thin liquids. He had a hard time drinking his milk today so they thickened it up for him. I don't understand why today he couldn't swallow his drink when yesterday he drank practically an entire sprite. I suppose it will be like this for awhile. Some days will be good and some days will be bad.

I don't know how things went with the other therapist this afternoon, but I am excited to find out because the occupational therapist wanted Mom to bring Dad his guitar. The occupational therapist is a musician herself and writes music and plays the guitar, so she will be excellent for helping Dad get those skills back. I think her and the other therapist are the only good things about this care center. Dad asks everyday when he can go home.

Dad did get his catheter taken out and was using the restroom on his own today. This is excellent news also. So we are making great progress for him to come home though, again, his full recovery will take some time.

P.S. Bette we love you dearly and appreciate the letter and pics you sent. No we didn't take the Martin to the hospital because we didn't want to take any chances of it getting stolen. Also, wanted to let you know that the Sunday after Dad's accident, the choir group that Dad sings in at church sang that song by Warren Z. Vohn for Dad. I think that is the same song he sang for Harv. The one that goes "Don't let us get sick, Don't let us get old, Don't let us get stupid all right, Just make us be brave, And make us play nice, And let us be together tonight." Well, it's not really a church song but Dad practiced and sang it all the time, and they asked the congregation to let them sing it for Dad. I have it recorded by the choir group if you would like to hear it sometime. Our prayers are with you and Dad did recognize you in the pics! xoxo

Day 20 of Jim's Recovery

Another amazing day (do I say this on every blog post because it feels like every day is another amazing day!) Today Dad was able to swallow and not choke. Apparently the speech therapist came in this morning to work with Dad and had him try swallowing some apple juice, which Dad was able to do without coughing. This is the first time Dad has been able to do this. Then they started trying other things. Dad had some applesauce, water and a couple bites of a sandwich. Can you imagine how good that applesauce must have tasted? To not taste food for three weeks? Mmmmm, makes me want to go have some applesauce. Dad was funny because I promised him that as soon as he could swallow I would buy him a coke! I don't know if he asked or Mom and Erin remember that I had said that because they got Dad a coke this morning. Albeit the crazy ladies bought him diet, nasty! Who in their right mind buys diet coke? And why torture someone who hasn't had a coke in three weeks with drinking diet? GET THE MAN A CHERRY COKE, for heavens sake!

When I got there in the afternoon, he was working with the physical therapist. She had him put on his shoes and walk to the bathroom. She was going to have him walk further but his right ankle is bothering him. We have x-rayed the foot and were told there are no fractures. Dad also gets gout this time of year but apparently that comes with swelling. I have crappy ankles too and I think it's just gimpy ankles. Dad says that it doesn't feel like gout so we don't know what is going on. It really bothered him today. So we had to put him back in bed.

Dad was even more alert, if you can believe it. He was talking and trying to remember names. He remembers people but has a hard time with names. I brought my littlest, Sage, with me today and Dad asked me where my other one was. He tried to remember her name but couldn't. The good thing though is that he remembered I had another child. I told him her name is Ramie and she was at school. He repeated her name over and over trying to memorize it. Then he tried to say Kindergarten and it seemed like he couldn't believe that Ramie was that old. Who knows what age he remembers her at. Then he asked for the name of my three year old. I told him Sage and he just smiled at her.

Then, and this is the best part of the whole day, Dad started asking me for something. He kept saying the number 7 and then tried to explain something to me. I didn't understand. I thought he was trying to tell me an address. He said no. Then he said something that sounded like pencil. Sage had brought some markers and paper so I handed Dad the pad of paper. Dad drew a number 7 then he drew a bottle around it. I asked "Dad do you want a 7up?" He said "yeah" very enthusiastically. Mom and I were thrilled and we gave him a high five. He then wrote the word "up" on the bottle he had drawn. Of course I ran off down the hall to the soda machine to get him a 7up, but they only had sprite. Big deal, I got him the sprite and he took a huge swig and said "ahhhhh!" Again, can you imagine how refreshing that must have tasted. I bet that was the best sprite he will ever have. Perhaps he will be hooked on sprite now instead of coke!

While I was grabbing Dad's sprite he kept drawing on the pad of paper. Now for those of you who know Dad well he is a doodler. He draws cartoonish characters but they all have a similar look to them. Well, Dad drew a typical Dad doodle face. This is what I have been waiting for him to do. I knew that we would know for sure that Dad was truly coming back if and when he could draw those again! I was so happy to see that face when I got back. Now we just have to take him his guitar!

The occupational therapist came later in the afternoon and apparently she is what Mom would call "folky." This is fabulous for Dad. She had Dad try to sing some songs and he did fairly good Mom says. Mike told me this afternoon that last night him and Becky (his wife) played some music for Dad and he was taping his foot to the beat. Hey, perhaps this head injury will help Dad keep the beat now! Mike also said Dad asked for his guitar and was playing some air guitar. Crazy amazing is all I have to say!

Unfortunately, I do have some sad news, nothing about Dad though, just about visiting hours. We have had a lot of you e-mail to ask when you might be able to visit Dad and we thought at first that he could have visitors. We were told, however, by his physical therapist that it would be best to wait perhaps one more week before we have an onslaught of visitors. She told us that along with stimulation it is very important for Dad to get plenty of rest. So we have to leave the room for 15 min. at the end of each hour to let his brain relax. Even with us in the room his mind is being stimulated even if we think he is asleep or not paying attention. So hang in there friends. Perhaps with the way he is progressing he will be home sooner then later and then it will be really easy for you to visit. Also we think that Dad gets really embarrassed because he can't talk right.

Thanks again everyone.

Day 19 of Jim's Recovery

Thank you all for all the comments and compliments about this blog! Everyday I have people telling me how much this is helping them and how much they love to read it. So thank you! I'll keep writing as long as you guys keep reading.

Today Dad was feeling better. He didn't seem so down and depressed, though he does go in and out of being sad. The care facility moved Dad so that he is now right across from the nurse station so that they can monitor his movement. I do think this is good because he needs the supervision but at the same time it sucks. It's the first room as you walk into the facility so now its noisy and not very private. I'm stumped for words at the moment because I want to complain about the place but am extremely grateful for them because we do not have to pay for it. The University of Utah contracts with Federal Heights and then, I believe, the hospital can write it off as charity. So we have 14 days of free care and rehabilitation but we are at the "catch all" place. We will give them a week or less and then if things still aren't good we will move him and just pay out of pocket. I'm just so grateful that Dad is making leaps and bounds everyday.

Today I was amazed, again, by how much more he was talking. Mom had gone in early and given Dad a bath and brought him his own PJs. Mom had to change the bedsheets herself because they were soiled...grrrrrr again we aren't so sure about this place. Then Erin came in and gave Dad a shave. Dad looked so nice and clean when I got there and it was awesome because he smelled like Daddy. I just knelt next to the bed and put my head on his chest. I laid there for awhile just listening to him breath and his heart beat. That was one of my favorite things to do as a kid was to lay on his chest and just listen. While my head was on his chest Dad would reach up and softly stroke my hair. I was in heaven.

As I said before Dad is talking quite a bit more today. Each day he puts more words together and more sounds together. Erin has been practicing the ABC's with him. He remembers a couple new letters each day and today he was able to remember A-K and P-Z. For some reason L-O stumps him. I'm not sure if it is because he can't say them or because he just can't remember them. It's so hard to tell. Erin also brought Ethan and Keenan in to see Dad today and he was happy to see them. Apparently, Keenan (Erin's sensitive one) sat on the edge of Dad's bed, held and stroked his hand and just rambled on about stuff. Dad smiled up at Erin while Keenan was talking to him.

Now, I'm not sure if it was today or last night but Russel (Erin's hubby) visited Dad. Dad was really excited to see Russ because Russ had been there the night of Dad's accident. Dad wanted to know what happened and kept trying to ask Russ questions. Dad, obviously can't remember anything and is just barely trying to piece things together. Erin also showed Dad a picture of himself from the first day at the hospital. (We got in trouble for this that day at the hospital because apparently it violates the HIPPA laws.) Erin said that Dad just stared at the picture forever and kept say something like "wow." He is either just barely starting to remember why he is in the hospital or just barely able to tell us he remembers.

He also told Mom and Erin that he couldn't remember who he was when he first come to. I think this was when he first "officially" woke up after his surgery for the PEG tube. Can you imagine waking up in a hospital not knowing who you are or why you are there? How frightening. Frightening doesn't even give the idea justice. Dad also told us this afternoon that he will have memories and they will flash in his head but then go away. He is just barely starting to remember who we. I know he would shake his head in the past but I don't think he truly remembered. He knew we were there everyday and that we must be his family but he couldn't tell you who we were.

Today was the first day I heard Dad say my name. My heart melted and I wanted to jump up and down and cry all at the same time. Dad was telling us a story and he mentioned my name. I said "that's me, Dad," and he said "Ya, I know," then continued on trying to relay what he was talking about. I'm not so sure he did know that Jamie was my name but hey it's a start. I don't care whether he was talking too me or about me as long as he is starting to remember me I will take what I can get! He was also trying to remember other peoples names and explain who he was talking about. Another great name moment was when he said Mom's name. Dad said "Hey, Kim?" Then he started asking her a question. This is amazing because he has not pointed out who any of us are. He would acknowledge that Mom was his wife but this is the first time he has asked for her or even asked her a question or even called her by name!

Dad had a wonderful Jim moment today and showed us a little of his old personality. Dad hardly ever smiles anymore. At the hospital I would smile at him or try to make a joke to see if I could get him so smile. Nothing. Now that he has been moved to the rehab center he will give me a little smile back when I smile at him. Well, this afternoon Mom and I were trying to get Dad to do some tongue exercises that are supposed to help him get his swallowing reflexes back. What he has to do is stick his tongue out and move it from left to right. Mom and I were showing him then asked him to do it. He would shake his head yes and say "mmm, okay," or "well." But we kept pushing him to do it. Finally, he pulled a Jim face, opened his eyes wide, rolled them around in circles, and stuck out his tongue and moved it from side to side. Mom and I burst out laughing and Dad even smiled too! It was great to see him joke around.

Sadly, Dad is extremely frustrated still. One moment he seems fine and the next he looks like he is ready to cry. He apparently told the speech therapist this morning that he was so stupid. Then later while I was there I was still giggling about him sticking his tongue out but I think he perceived it as me laughing at him. Plus, he gets so frustrated because he is starting to try to tell us things and we can catch a few words but can't understand all of it. So he will give up and just say never mind. When he talks I don't try to understand what he is talking about I just try to encourage him to talk. I figure it's like writers block or when you can't remember a word. If you get the words out that keep blocking the right one eventually you will remember the correct word. I think Dad needs to keep talking so that all those jumbled memories will put themselves right.

Tomorrow his physical therapy will start so it will be nice to see how far he will be in that.

Day 18 of Jim's Recovery

Well, Dad's progress is nothing short of a miracle. I miss one day and Dad is doing amazing things. It's hard to believe that 3 weeks ago we thought that we would never hear Dad talk again, but here we are. It's also hard to fathom that Dad has a brain injury. He just makes leaps and bounds everyday. Sometimes this is great but other times it is hard.

Last night Dad was moved to the Federal Heights Rehabilitation Center in SLC. We moved him there because the University of Utah is able to contract with Rehab centers and we don't have to pay for it! Unfortunately, Dad was moved on a Friday so there is quite a bit of down time before he starts on his physical therapy schedule which in turn has made Dad very depressed. Our good friend Gwen warned us about moving Dad on a Friday, but we had no choice in the matter.

Apparently, last night Dad actually got up out of bed and walked to the bathroom, in the process he pulled out his feeding tube. At the hospital this would not have happened because there were monitors on the bed to warn if he got up. Yes, it is absolutely amazing that Dad walked himself to the bathroom. I have no clue how he did it...determination comes to mind! But now Mom is paranoid about leaving Dad alone. There is hardly any staff on the weekends and Dad runs the risk, obviously, of falling or getting an infection if he pulls the PEG tube out again.

I'm hesitant to divulge this next information but I want Dad to read this once he is able to read again. It's like a personal diary for Dad, so I will just ask his forgiveness and hope that he will understand (Mom too.) This morning when Mom walked into the room Dad began to cry. He asked "How did I get here? How did this happen? Why am I here?" It is heartbreaking that Dad is depressed but wonderful that he is aware of his surroundings. It is so hard to see Dad cry and I can't imagine being in Mom's shoes right now. But in my eyes Dad's crying is a great step to his recovery. Mom explained to Dad about the accident and that we were doing everything in our power to get him home.

Erin and I showed up around oneish. Dad was much more aware of what was going on around him. His speech skills have improved tremendously. I could catch more words and he was putting sentences together. He also showed a lot more emotions on his face, like smiling for one! Mike and Becky were there and they had brought their dog Kaike (sp?) It was great to see Dad smile when Kaike came in the room. I think not only did he smile but he sighed like he knew who she was. Then said in broken sounds "I want to see Crowja." This is his goldendoodle. We told him we would bring Crowja as soon as we could. I'm going to see if I can take my dog Hintza in to see Dad. He really needs the stimulation.

Erin did some strength work with Dad getting him to lift his right leg. He is getting a lot more muscle strength in his right side. He could push against her with his right leg and also push again her with his right arm. So she did some movement exercises with Dad. Again I was just amazed at the strength Dad had in his right side from two days ago. Later in the afternoon he said he needed to use the restroom and with only the help of Mom and a nurse they got him to the bathroom. Then I got to see him walk back out and I just sat there open mouthed. He could move both legs but could not put a lot of weight on his right leg. So basically it looked like he was walking with a sprained ankle, then add a small shuffle.

When I saw how good Dad was doing I called Matt (my hubby) to bring our girls over. The hospital has a restriction that anyone under 14 could not be allowed in the rooms, this is because the hospital is trying to keep the flu from spreading. Now that he is in a care facility my girls can go see him. Plus, they just got off antibiotics so I am quite sure they are good. I was so happy to see my Dad's face light up when he saw the girls. He knew who they were and showed emotion to see them. Dad couldn't keep his eyes off of them. He even at one point tried playing with Sage, my littlest, by using his right hand to poke her in the ribs. She just giggled and laughed, the moment was so wonderful.

So now we just wait until Monday to see what his schedule will be and as soon as Dad is walking well enough to be able to use the restroom on his own and as soon as he can swallow better we will bring Dad home. For me I would bring him home as soon as he is able to use the restroom on his own because we can be taught how to take care of the PEG tube. I'm sure this is what Mom is thinking too. I can't wait to go see Dad tomorrow and see how far the night has brought him.

Please go see Dad, he needs the support. But make sure you are good and healthy! Can't risk Dad getting pneumonia gain.

Day 17 of Jim's Recovery

Okay todays blog with be very short, promise! I wasn't able to see my Dad today because I had some yard work that had to be done before it snowed tomorrow. I've been putting off raking leaves ever since Dad got sick. So I wasn't able to talk to Dad or see how he was.

Mom was there today and said that the physical therapists got Dad to walk to the bathroom and also down the hall with only one and a half people assisting him. Then they moved Dad today to a Care Facility in Salt Lake. I can't remember the name but will update you tomorrow on where he is at. We would like to see Dad have lots o visitors so that he doesn't get bored and lonely.

More tomorrow.

Day 16 of Jim's Recovery

Tonight's post will not be as long as last nights. There isn't much to report tonight, but what I have to report is funny. We are still in limbo with insurances, grants, medicaid, and all the lovely mumbo jumbo that goes with that. So we still do not know where Dad will be. We are told we aren't being rushed out and the same time we are told we need to make a quick decision. We then are told don't worry about moving Dad he will be here for 30 days, and the next we are told he will be moved Monday. So if you would like to go see Dad just send me an e-mail at jimsrecovery@gmail.com and telling me who the heck you are, and how the heck you know Dad! Since my purse was stolen last week I don't trust anyone I can't look in the eyes!! Anyways, I don't want to post his room number because this is a public blog.

So on with my reports for the day. Dad was in one heck of a mood today. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't want to try the puzzles, do the piggy bank, draw, watch t.v., listen to music, nothing. He seemed very frustrated and depressed today. I don't know what else to do to keep him entertained.

On the up side for us, the physical therapists helped Dad to walk today. Yes, that is right I said walk. He did have 3 PT's there to assist and they did need to help him slide his feet. BUT, he walked from the bed across the room to the couch and back again to the bed. Amazing. I didn't get to see it unfortunately, so I can't give you many details.

Dad was talking a lot more today. He is using new sounds and I caught quite a few words he was saying today. The speech therapist came in earlier and worked with Dad identifying numbers and days of the week. Again I wasn't there but Mom said that he pointed to the numbers as they were read and did the same with the days of the week. Huge improvement from yesterday.

The hardest thing with Dad today was that he would not stay in bed. He kept telling me he wanted to go home and when were they going to let him go. He doesn't understand why they are keeping him and his brain is not connecting that he is not well. Dad is getting quite a bit stronger and can sit up and push himself over to the side of the bed. This causes a problem because they no longer want to restrain him because he is too aware but he will try to get out of bed. So they have a movement monitor that will alarm if he moves to get up out of bed.

Basically today Mom and I just tried to keep Dad in bed. He didn't want to get in his wheelchair and was ornery when we asked him if he wanted to go for a ride. Okay, so I'm at the funny part, well I think it's funny. Dad and I used to get in punching wars. He would slap my arm and I'd get him back, each time getting harder and harder. It would always make us laugh or lighten the mood if we were down. With that little bit of history, Dad sat up and moved his legs to the side of the bed to get up. So I ran around to stand in front of him. He glared up at me and said "what? I just want to go." I tried to explain that if he stood up he would fall because his right leg was not working properly. He cussed and said "oh, man I don't mumble, mumble, mumble..." Then he looked down at his leg and with his left foot tried to kick me several times! They obviously weren't hard kicks and I was tickled pink to see him try. I laughed "Are you kicking me? Oh, bring it on Dad. Go ahead do it again." He just looked up at me then sat back on the bed. This seemed to lighten his mood and he relaxed for a minute.

I then started massaging his feet and he closed his eyes. I also started humming "Swing Me." After awhile Mom came in and that reminded Dad he wanted to get up so he sat up again and moved his legs to the side of the bed. Again, I stood in front of him, and again he asked me "why." So I knelt down so I could look up at him and tried to explain again why he couldn't get up. He wasn't satisfied with my answer so he started to lean forward, in my position I put my head to his forehead and pushed. I was surprised with how strong he was and he pushed back. Then I stood up and put my arm on his left shoulder to keep him from trying again. He grabbed my arm and threw it down. Again, I laughed "Oh, you want to bring it, eh? Punch me then. Punch me as hard as you can." Dad tried to kick me again then looked up at me and smiled at me. Then he looked at Mom and gave her those parent smiles that say "darn kids." I then told him to wait and I would get a nurse. So he waited until the nurse came before trying to get up again.

What a great day! Mom and I left shortly after that because we wanted him to sleep and were afraid that we were agitating him which made him want to get up.

Day 15 of Jim's Recovery

Holy cow, my mood swings are like the tire swing out back. First, I'm swinging high feeling great and then the darn swing has to slow down and I'm barely moving. What is with this? Today was a good day. Dad made some progress and didn't make progress. I know that this is how it will be for a while. I know and still have hope that he will get better. But once I got home tonight it was like the weight of everything just came crashing down. So I apologize if tonight's blog sounds pessimistic. I'm just dealing with the stupid ups and downs of trauma!!

Well, I was glad because I was able to spend a considerable amount of time with Dad today. Mom had to stay home to take care of some housekeeping stuff and so she watched Sage for me. When I got in Dad seemed pretty tired. Mom says he is tired until about noon then he will start to wake up. I listened to some of your suggestions and brought some old baby toys from my girls for Dad to work with. I brought a peg animal puzzle, a piggy bank with coins, and a Rocky and Bullwinkle coloring book (I figured he might recognize them better then Littlest Pet Shop!)

To make Dad not feel so silly working with the baby stuff I told him my girls had sent the games for him to play with. I said for him just to work with me because they really wanted him to use the games. So I started with the puzzle. I showed him how to take out a piece and put it back. Then I told him I wanted him to use his right hand. I lifted his hand to one of the pieces and told him to grab the peg, which he did, and he pulled the piece out. I told him to put it back. He slowly slid the piece up the board to the correct spot with his right hand. Then slowly tried to move his fingers out of the way to fit the piece in the groove. He was almost there when he used his left hand to help his right hand move the piece into position. He did it though!! We did this three or four times. He also could find the right place to put a piece if I handed it to him so that he had to think about where the piece went instead of just moving it back into place. He did this mostly with his right hand or using both hands. This is awesome because the PT told us to make sure when he uses his hands he uses both at the same time or uses the right!

Next I moved on to the piggy bank. This is a plastic piggy bank with large plastic coins that babies use for dexterity (obviously.) So I made Dad hold the piggy bank with his left hand and put the coins in the slot with his right hand. I had to hand him the coins and move his hand over the piggy bank but Dad did all the work putting the coins into the slot. Sometimes he would cheat and use his left pointer finger to press the coins into the slot. There are about 10 coins and I made him put all the coins into the slot three times. He did awesome. I also think he liked using both the puzzle and the piggy bank because he knew it was helping him work with his hands. No one else was in the room so I don't think he felt stupid either.

He had already been tired when I walked in so after doing those exercises he began to get tired again. So I put the games away and walked back over to the bed. Dad asked where Mom was and I told him she wouldn't be able to make it in today. He made a sad face and say "ohhhh." I look at this to be positive because it means he knows who Mom is and he wants her to be there and he knows she has been coming. Then Dad began to babble about something so I leaned in close to try to catch what he was saying. He turned his head away from me and mumbled a bit then stopped. So I just waited to see if he was going to finish talking. After a minute he turned back to look at me and his eyes went wide with surprise like he forgot I was there. Then he scrunched his face and asked "what?" I said he had been talking to me and I was just waiting to hear what else he had to say. Then he said "leave me." I said "Sorry, I'll leave you alone, but I will just be over in this chair if you need me." Dad gets distracted and forgets what he is talking about really easy.

Dad slept for about a half hour or 45 min and I just sat in the chair working the crossword puzzle. When Dad woke up he told me he needed to go to the bathroom. I called for the nurses and left the room. They did take the catheter out last night but Dad was unable to relieve himself, which means his bladder would not empty. This is good and bad. Good because it means that he still has muscle memory there and won't just wet the bad. This is also bad because they have to retrain the bladder to relieve itself. How in the world do you retrain your bladder? After a while the nurses came back out. To put things mildly Dad is just having a hard time relieving anything on his own. And that's all we have to say about that because we don't want Dad to get embarrassed.

And Dad is getting embarrassed, which is another great emotion Dad is exhibiting. The speech therapist (ST) came in to work with Dad today. They are still trying to get him to swallow properly. What happens is they will give him a spoonful of water and he will swallow. But the brain is not using the muscles in the throat to switch from the lung pipe to the stomach pipe when he swallows or the muscle triggers too late. So Dad will swallow and about 20 seconds later he will cough as the liquid hits his lungs. Now when we swallow and it goes down the wrong pipe it doesn't actually hit our lungs our bodies have an automatic response to cough when something begins to go down the wrong pipe. But Dad's brain is not registering the liquid going down the wrong pipe until it is too late and it hits the lungs. So we have to be really careful because he could get pneumonia.

Then the ST showed Erin and I some stuff we could work on to get Dad speaking again. She said picture and word association is a great game. We write the name of someone in a picture and then show him the word and the picture together. I told her I had been trying to get him to color and she said that was great and said trying to get him to write was another good skill to work on. So I grab the pad I had brought from yesterday and she asked Dad if he could write his name. He couldn't. So she had Erin hold Dad's hand and write his name with him. Then we asked Dad to trace it; to take a turn. I began to say "Do it Dad, you can do it. Come on don't give up. I won't let you give up. You can do it Dad." Then he turned to me and said "you embarrassing." I wanted to cry and am crying again as I type this. He told me I was embarrassing him. I felt and feel so awful. I think when the physical therapist are there he gets embarrassed that he can't do things, because I was saying the same stuff to him when we were working on the puzzles and he kept trying. Sorry Dad I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Anyways (sniff, sniff), the ST said that it was good that Dad was feeling embarrassment. Then she tried a different skill. She drew a circle with a smiley face in it and asked if he could draw one. Dad looked at it and said "oh" then began mumbling stuff. He then took the pencil, with his right hand, and drew some marks that looked like hair and a neck and shoulders. Dad used to always finish our doodles! The ST was really happy with this and said now she knew where to start with him. So we are going to work with him drawing more.

Directly after the ST left the physical therapist came in to help Dad stand and work his arms. I told them about Dad using the puzzle and piggy bank and they thought that was great. So they decided to see if he could brush his teeth and shave. As they were moving Dad to sit up he said as plain as day and the first clear, full sentence, I have heard him say. He said "My ankle hurts." The PT's knew that he was having trouble with his ankle but only knew this because he would grimace when they would move it or stretch it. So the fact that he told them it hurt and what specifically hurt is fabulous. Byron (Dad's best friend) was there and he was shocked to hear Dad say a full sentence.

Unfortunately, I had to leave right as they were getting him sat up so I don't know how much he did with the PT's. I will talk with Erin and get back to you all. Okay, talked to Erin sooner then later. She said that they put the toothbrush up to Dad's mouth but he didn't know what to do with it and that he did not want to try to shave. She told me that Dad was too focused on his robe, he kept getting embarrassed that he was exposing too much. It is truely rediculous how those stupid gowns work. Don't they have pants with snaps? We have diapers with velrow and underwear with snaps for babies that provided easy access. Why can't we have that for adults? Geezy Peezy, I will look into this tomorrow.

A good thing Erin said was that she started singing the alphabet to Dad once the PT's left. She said once she got to "F" Dad said "G,H." So she started again, she got to "B" and he said "C,D." WooHoo serious progress. Way to go Ebs!

P.S. Marsha, I am so broken hearted to hear of "aunt" Joan. I love her so much and hate to hear that she is declining. My heart goes out to you and all your family. We will be doing the same for Dad and not let him know until he is well. He will be tragically sad if she passes while he is in the hospital. Love to you all, we love Joan so much! And you can come see Dad now whenever you can.

Day 14 of Jim's Recovery

Thank you all who sent in ideas. These were great! No trapeze bar above his bed but I will see what I can request. Also loved the idea of simple coloring book, flour balloon, opposites game etc... You all had some great ideas that got me thinking. Em, I will totally hit you up on that basketball stand! I did try to take him a pad of paper and pencil today. He held the pad and pencil but kept looking at the paper like he should be reading something. Then he would say "well, um..." and get distracted by something he wanted to say. So keep those ideas rolling in!

Dad was very distracted today. Every time I tried to talk to him he would say "well, um..." then try to talk. I'm not sure if he was trying to tell me something or was just talking out loud. We are trying to give him less pain medication because it makes him tired and lethargic so today something was bothering him. I couldn't figure it out when finally he said something that made me think it was his catheter. I asked him if the catheter was what was wrong and he shook his head yes. The doctors said that they would remove it upon our request. So hopefully that is gone so that he can start focusing on other things. It bothered him so much he couldn't concentrate on his physical therapy.

When the physical therapists came in they immediately wanted him to get in his wheel chair. He was able to stand up with two girls about my age bracing him. So he is getting stronger but his right side still needs support because the knees wants to buckle. Once they had him sitting up in bed Dad started talking, so the PT's just sat there and listened to him. Every time they asked him to do something he would again say "well, um..." and begin to explain something. At one point I caught "medical women" so I think he was trying to explain something from the morning session of physical therapy.

The PT's got Dad in his chair and once he was there he kept trying to pull at his catheter. We kept moving his hands away and he started to get angry with us. He would ask "why" and we would try to explain, I don't believe he fully understood. So he started mumbling something and I heard him say "hell." So I asked Dad, "Do you want us to go to hell?" And he looked at me and said "yes!" "I can't believe you want us to go to hell, Dad," I said mockingly. Again he looked at me and very blatantly said "Yes." I told him that was great and he could be angry with us but that he was just going to have to deal because we were trying to help him.

The PT then showed Mom and I some exercises to help Dad get strength in his arms again. We have to work on his right arm and be careful that we don't let it hang because the weight of ones arm can pull the joint out of socket. She also had Dad try to lift his arms above his head. This is when Dad gets confused. His brain still doesn't register what to do when asked to complete a task, like raising his arms above his head. We have to show him first and then he will do it. The PT's want him to get to the point where he can do it without being shown. When they help Dad with physical therapy I realize still how much further his brain has to go. When he is lying on his bed mumbling stuff it seems like he is all there and just needs help speaking. Then the PTs comes in and reminds me that not all of his connections are firing properly. I still am optimistic for Dad but get worried about him being able to function by himself again someday.

By the time I left, Dad was really pissed off at Mom and I. He didn't want to leave his room but I made him wheel me out to the elevators. As we moved through the halls he kept trying to pull at his catheter again. By the time we reached the elevators I felt bad for Mom because she was going to have to deal with the wrath of Dad all the way back down the hall!! Mom said that he was piss and vinegar going back but once the nurses got him back in bed he seemed to calm down. I really hope they can get that stupid catheter out tomorrow because I will be there by myself and don't know if I can handle Dad getting mad at me! It's different to argue with your husband but to argue with your Dad...I'm afraid I'll get in trouble!!

Day 13 of Jim's Recovery

Prepare again to be amazed by Dad's recovery. Today Dad got in a wheelchair! Excellent news, I know. I will tell you more about this great news in a minute.

I visited Dad around 2:00PM and was happy to see Dad awake and propped up in bed. When he saw me his eyes went wide and he said "Hey." Yeah, Dad finally remembers me! I did a dorky little dance to this. Then I went to his side and asked him if he knew who I was and he shook his head yes. I asked him what my name is. He started to mumble some words that I could not understand. Then I asked him if he wanted me to tell him my name or if he wanted to guess. He said "guess." I thought this was great because I don't think it was so much him trying to guess my name as he wanted to try to say it. Unfortunately, the darn "J" in my name is too difficult for him right now.

Dad again, was more alert today. The bad part about that is we are now moving into the frustrated phase. Dad kept on saying "well, I need to go," in a very slurry fashion. Then he would try to sit up. Mom and I kept pushing him back. Finally, he gave Mom the serious "Jim is getting mad" stink eye! I tried to make suggestions for him like the crossword, read poetry, listen to music. He said no to all of these and when I said listen to music he just shook his head and said "oh, fine." I pretended to be offended!

Then I suggested "well ,why can't Dad get in a wheelchair?" Mom thought that was a great idea and we asked the Nursing Assistant, who in turn asked the nurse, and we were given the go ahead. So our very strong NA got Dad all situated, stood him up, then turned him, and Dad sat down in the chair. It was only one guy helping Dad which means Dad did some himself! At first Dad wasn't sure if he liked being in the chair. I think at first he was dizzy. Mom had to speak to some medical staff so I knelt down by Dad and talked to him. Dad started talking to me and it sounded like he wanted to know about his house. I told him it was all finished. He shook his head at this. He then asked me again about the house and I asked him if he wanted me to tell him what had been finished. He shook his head yes. So I proceeded to give him a list of everything that had been completed since his fall. Then Dad said "pay." I said, "Are you worrying about paying for the house?" He shook his head yes. Leave it up to Dad to be worrying about completing the house while he is in the hospital.

That is just like Dad to worry about other things instead of himself. So I told him that everything was being taken care of. I told him that we were all taking care of things and he didn't need to worry. I told him not to worry about any of us, that we were working things out and we were fine. He then said "heart" and lifted his right hand and pointed to me. I about fell over and cried. I said "I love you too Dad," and he smiled at me.

The physical therapists came in right after that and were very excited to see Dad in the wheelchair. So they decided to wheel him out of the room and do the physical therapy somewhere else. We wheeled him to some big windows where he could look out, and as soon as he could see out he looked surprised and said "cold." We all laughed and told him it had gotten cold while he was out. The PT was very optimistic and told us he felt Dad was ready to handle the 3 hours of physical therapy required by patients. This means he may possibly stay in the hospital longer, but don't quote me on that. This is great news though because they will start working on his speech therapy. I think when he starts this we will begin to see a huge improvement in Dad.

Dad did some great things in physical therapy today. He is using his right hand quite a bit more. He will move his right hand up to his face and try to scratch his nose. He also tapped his right toes on the ground when the PT asked him to. Also, without being asked he clasped his hands together with fingers interlocking. While doing physical therapy the PT would ask Dad to give him a high five. Dad would raise his hand but then he would kiss his hand as if to blow a kiss to someone. It was like he understood he needed to smack something but his brain was sending the wrong signal and he was smacking his lips! Well, he didn't really hit them he kissed his hand! The PT didn't say he was worried about this and perhaps that is normal. Who knows, it made me a little worried though.

After the physical therapy we laid Dad back down in the bed. Dad has excellent core strength because he can push against the PT's hand from all sides. Dad was pretty exhausted after this so I left. I gave Dad a big hug and told him "I Love you," and he said "I love you" back!

So I have another request! Hee Hee. We are trying to think of things Dad can do while in bed. We need to keep him stimulated so he doesn't get bored and then frustrated and then depressed. He can't be in physical therapy all the time so we need ideas that he can do on his down time. I thought of a Nerf basketball hoop that we could attach to the end of his bed. This would also help to strengthen his arms and get his brain coordinating his movements. What else could we do? Any ideas?

Day 12 of Jim's Recovery

Holy Cow, I can't believe what each new day brings. I walked in the room today and completely stopped in my tracks. Dad's bed had been raised up like a chair and Dad was sitting up! My jaw dropped. Dad was sitting up in a chair where yesterday he could hardly sit up with the physical therapist. Okay, the fact that the bed converts into a chair helps but he wasn't falling forward or trying to move. He was just sitting up, looking around, and listening. Amazing!

Dad was even more awake and aware then yesterday. It is just little steps and little differences but to me and my family these are hugely significant. Today Dad was really trying to communicate. He can't move his tongue to form words and can barely move his mouth so we have to listen really hard and decipher what he is saying from the sound of each word. We would like to announce that Dad has officially said his favorite cuss word! Yes, I thought you would all be quite pleased with him for those of you who know which bomber that one is!

While trying to communicate to us tonight he seemed like he wanted to tell us about how he fell. Now, we are not sure but we heard a few words and can only speculate how these things fit into the equation. Dad began to talk and somehow I thought perhaps he was trying to tell us about his fall, then he shook his head yes. As he continued to try to explain I heard the word "faint". So I asked Dad if he fainted and he said "yes". Now, when one faints I'm not sure if they can remember that they did, so perhaps he only thinks he fainted. Either way we wonder if that is how he fell. Dad then continued and it sounded like he said "vacuum" and "smoke." So I asked, "Was the vacuum smoking?" Again he shook his head yes. After that we could not understand what he was trying to explain but he gave the expression of surprise on his face. This made me think he was surprised to see the vacuum smoking. My interpretation is that he was kneeling and chipping away at the tile, perhaps he looked over and the vacuum was smoking which surprised him so he stood up fast, the blood drained from his head and he blacked out. Or perhaps he got up to use the vacuum, it began to smoke, he went to unplug it and he got electrocuted, which made him pass out. Such a mystery. I hope that when this is all over he can still remember. I have a feeling as his old memories come back the accident will be lost.

While I was there the physical therapist came in again. They worked with him again having him move up and down from his elbow in a sitting position. The PT didn't work so much with his hands but worked more with his core. She had him bend forward and backwards, this will help him learn to stand again. She also got him to stand, with help of course. Dad has a really hard time with his right side. He can't squeeze with that hand, or raise that arm, or move that foot. He does feel pain on that side which is excellent, but his brain is not recognizing the right side of his body. In essence his brain doesn't think the right side is there. So what happens is the stronger left side pushes against the right side and is meet with no opposition so he leans towards the right. When he is standing the left side pushed off and leans on the right side, which is bad because he can't hold himself up. So the PT wants to teach him to use the strong left side. She wants him to lean to use that side so that he can hold himself up with the left side. As soon as he can do that then they will begin to strengthen the right side and start working on those brain pathways again.

However, as I have watched Dad I have seen him use his right side. It's like he uses it when he is not concentrating on using it, if that makes sense. For example, I was doing some crossword puzzles with him this afternoon. I am awful at crossword puzzles and have to cheat my way through. Anyway, as I was reading one clue, Dad reached his right hand to me as if to take the pencil I was holding. So I gave that to him in his right hand. Then he reached for the paper with his left hand, again I handed him the paper. Then (and this is such a Dadism) he lifted the paper up and looked over the top of his glasses to see the paper and with his right hand he moved the pencil up to his mouth as if he were thinking! It was great. It was just how Dad always would look at the crosswords. Unfortunately the moment was over too quickly because some visitors walked in. It's just amazing how little idiosyncrasies are coming out.

Sadly though you can tell that Dad is extremely frustrated. He will try to talk and gets frustrated. You can see in his eyes that he is so mad at himself. You can tell he knows what is going on and what he wants to say but his brain won't let the words come out. Also, when he was working with the PT she said something and he gave her the stink eye and then looked up at the ceiling as if he were say "no duh!" Then as she asked him to kick her hand, I could tell that he was trying but the connections in his brain were not firing to put two and two together. There were a few times that he cried today. I am really afraid of Dad getting depressed. He already is but I don't want him to loose hope. Driving home from the hospital I began to cry, not because of my loss, but because I could feel the frustration Dad was feeling. I just want to jump in his brain and help him out. I hated leaving his side.

Keep sending Dad your positive energy and prayers. He now needs it to have the will power to keep trying. I know he wont give up but I hate to see him miserable. Again, love you all, and thank you for reading. Just because you haven't signed up as a follower doesn't mean we don't know you are reading! I love you all your reading this gets me through another day.

Day 11 of Jim's Recovery

I can't believe how different Dad looks today. I haven't seen him for two days and he looks like Dad again. No more black and blue eyes, in fact you can hardly tell he fractured his skull. His face is not so drawn and strained. All his tubes are removed from his face so no more awful tape or nose bleeds. The only thing on Dad's face now is the breathing mask. Plus, today the nurses shaved Dad and gave him a bath so he looks and smells great! But, it is Dad's eyes that are the most amazing! I wanted to cry as I walked in the room and saw how bright and open Dad's eyes were. He was looking around and raised his eyebrows as we walked in. The last time I saw Dad he still had the foggy eyes. I am on my knees with gratitude for all the powers that be and for Dad's strength and determination.

When we walked in the room Mom spoke to Dad first and asked if he knew who she was. He nodded his head yes and you could tell by the look in his eyes that he meant it! Then I went up to Dad and asked if he knew who I was. He shook his head yes but I could see the confusion in his eyes. Now, I don't feel too bad because today was a bad hair day and I was wearing my hat and eyeglasses. So I went and pulled down all the pics of me around the room. I took them to Dad and pointed to myself then the picture. I think Dad got what I was trying to say, but still was having trouble remembering. It was funny because throughout our stay because I would catch Dad looking at me but as soon as I meet his eyes he would look away. I don't know if this is because he was embarrassed he didn't know me or because he just didn't want me to catch him staring.

Mike was there and Dad definitely recognized Mike. Erin came later and I believe Dad recognized her also. Yesterday, Erin asked Dad if he knew who she was and he nodded yes. Then (the stinker Erin is) she said "I'm Diane" and Dad shook his head yes! So we still have a long ways to go before Dad can remember everything but I will never doubt again.

At one point Mike, Erin, Mom, and I were standing around the bed talking to Dad and he was trying to mumble something. He kept trying and we finally heard him mumble "I'm Sorry!" My heart was broken, here he is trying to get a grasp on life again and he is worried about us. I knew Dad would start doing that as soon as he came around. It's just like Dad to have to be the strong guy, always.

We were also there to cheer and watch Dad do some physical therapy. The physical therapist had Dad sit on the side of the bed and try to hold himself up. At first he had a hard time, albeit he had just been given a dose of heavy pain relievers, but eventually he was able to hold himself up. Dad tends to lean to the right, this is the side that he has extreme difficulty with. He won't use his right hand or his right foot. Even if he tried I don't think the brain is connecting yet to move that side. His left side is much stronger but Dad still needs help in relearning basic movements. The physical therapist asked Dad to raise up his left hand and to give the PT a high five. It took awhile before Dad could understand what the PT was asking, but then finally Dad lifted up his hand and gave the PT a high five! After that he repeated it three more times. This was incredibly awesome to watch. It made me hurt just to watch his brain and muscles struggle to reconnect and work together as a team.

Then the PT had Dad lean down on his elbow. Can you imagine how hard it would be to hold your body weight up by your forearm when you have hardly any muscle strength? Crazy, but he did it. We had a funny moment because he looked over at Erin and she gave him this cheesy smile and he cheesy smiled right back.

It was fun to just sit back and observe Dad. Some of the things he did that I thought were amazing were just some of his idiosyncrasies, like the way that he scratched his nose, or the way he rubbed his cheek, or the scrunched face he would get when he would say no. All these were so fabulous to see. At one point during physical therapy the PT was moving his right leg, which is incredibly sorry, Dad said "Owy Owy Owy," such a Dad phrase.

We did ask Dad if he wanted visitors and he did say "No". I think Dad is really embarrassed to have his friends see him this way. But the doctors feel that it is best if he has friends come so that it may stimulate his brain. I felt awful again when I saw his worried face. You could just see behind his eyes the embarrassment he felt. So we will just start small because this is such an important part to his recovery.

I can't wait to go back to see Dad tomorrow. I don't want to miss one day, and by golly he will remember me (I'm his favorite daughter after all, right Ebs?) Hee hee, Love you sis!

P.S. Mom wanted me to thank whoever it was that dropped off the delicious chicken soup today. She was in the tub and obviously could not make it to the door! She wanted me to let you know so that whoever left the soup knows she was not trying to avoid answering!

Day 10 of Jim's Recovery

UGH, I just got finished with a really long post and I hit publish and it didn't work! So now I have to type everything over again. I'm so sorry if tonight's blog is not that great because I have been sitting here now for a half hour and can't handle it anymore!!

Okay, So first off when I sat down to write I was very overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed Dad was getting better. I was overwhelmed because I can't go see him due to my cough. And also, I was overwhelmed by all your emotional responses to yesterday's blog. I can just feel all of your joy at the news of Dad's responses. I am so happy to share that with you and to be able to fill that love pour through this measly computer.

So all of my information is second hand again today. Mom was with Dad all day and said he was doing the same things as yesterday. Though it seems like Dad is saying yes to everything. Mom said that he will say yes if she asks if he knows who she is but she still gets the feeling that he still doesn't know. Erin also said the same thing. I think it is like when you speak to someone who only knows a foreign language, they say yes to everything you say because they don't understand what you are asking. It is like Dad is saying yes because he doesn't know what people are saying. Mom is going to take him his hearing aides tomorrow but those are a little tricky because they will also amplify annoying sounds i.e. heart monitors.

The physical therapists also came in to work with Dad today. They had him chew on ice shavings. Sometimes he would chew them and swallow. Other times it would just slide down his throat and he would cough on it. He wasn't perfect at chewing ice but it's a start! His brain has to relearn simple tasks like how to chew and swallow.

So I just found out that Dad has been moved to the Nero Acute Floor. Now don't you all go rushing up to the hospital, he will get overwhelmed. We will tell you where he is in about a week. For right now we are just asking close friends and family to come visit Dad. Don't get me wrong you are all great friends of Dad's but again we don't want him overstimulated. We aren't sure how long he will be there. The case manager told us that he would be going to a nursing facility on Monday but the Doctor told us he would stay on the floor for 30 days. Again, we aren't sure what will be happening but will keep you updated.

Though, we do have a gigantic request of all of you. The doctors and nurses told us to fill up Dad's rooms with things he is familiar with. So we want pictures of you and pictures of you with Dad! Mail us a copy of your pictures to Mom or Me if you have our addresses (I'm not going to post that on a public blog)! Or e-mail me pictures at jimsrecovery@gmail.com. I am going to create a CD with pictures and music that we can put in the DVD player and Dad can watch on his TV. We want to fill up his room with pictures so that he doesn't have to look at boring hospital walls. The more photos the better!! Don't be a stranger to regular old mail. We need those pictures just as much as we need the ones for our CD. So don't just take the easy route and download what you have on your computer. Go scrounging through those old photos and find that funny one of you and Dad! Or that great picture you have of yourself from five years ago!

Lastly, Mom wanted me to say something for her. She wants to thank all her friends, family, and coworkers who have been helping her this week with bringing food over, to helping fix and pick up her house. You have all been a wonderful support to her and she feels that Thank You does not relay the gratitude she has towards all of you. Thanks again.

Day 9 of Jim's Recovery

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE MADE CONTACT!!!! Yes, yes, yes, it is true Dad was finally responsive today! It's been nine days but it feels like nine months!

Okay, so on with the excellent details. Well, when Dad woke up from anesthesia he was very alert. Mom brought his glasses today so that he could see things when we showed him pictures. I don't know how long after he woke up but Dad started looking at people. So Mom said "Hey Jim, do you know who I am," and he shook his head "yes." The nurse was surprised so she said "Jim, look at your wife," and he did!! From then on Mom and the nurse would try to ask him questions. Some questions he could understand and shake his head yes or no. Others he seemed confused or would close his eyes, or even seem distracted. Dad was also getting very frustrated because he would try to say something and he could only make sounds not words.

Mom tried to do different things to see what he could understand. She held up a picture of Sage (my daughter) and he would say "ahhhh." Then at one point she was standing at the end of the bed and she asked with a silly voice "can you shake your head yes? Can you shake your head no?" Dad just smiled at Mom!

I guess he also can show that he is uncomfortable more. Mom said that he was moaning like he was sore somewhere so she asked him if he was sore on his neck. He shook his head no. She asked "are you sore on your arms." Again, he shook his head no. Then she asked if he was sore on his back. By then he either couldn't concentrate on what she was asking, just lost interest, or was too frustrated to respond because he just closed his eyes.

Sure this is the one day I can't make it to the hospital because I'm getting a cough and I miss all the action! I'm so mad. However, Mom called me before she left the hospital and I asked her if she would put the phone up to his ear so I could talk to him. When she did I said Hi and he said Hi back!! Then I told him I was sorry I couldn't visit today but I would try tomorrow. Mom then took the phone and said Dad was trying to mumble something then did his face scrunch when he is frustrated and shook his head.

Man, I have been shaking all day. I couldn't wait to get everything done and kids in bed to run and tell all of you about the fabulous day. Do keep in mind though that we still have a long road, but it looks like the road will be brighter for us to travel!

Later this evening Mike was heading up to the hospital so I made him call me back as soon as he left. Mike said that he walked into the room and saw Dad with his glasses on. When Dad looked up he said "Oh, Hi." Mike was totally taken back! He didn't know what to do. Also as Mike sat with Dad and talked to him he said it sounded like Dad was mumbling "I can't..." I can only imagine how frustrated Dad must be right now.

I wonder if the anesthesia is what helped Dad come out of the "sleepy comma." Mom said that is what the nurses think. They think that because of the anesthesia it helped to lower his blood pressure and helped his brain to relax. So all the fears we had of the negative effects of anesthesia were completely reversed!

Well, happy to say Dad will be moved to a nursing facility either Friday or Monday and we will be so happy to let everyone go visit him. He will still need a lot of support to get through this. We were told tonight as we looked at a couple facilities that Nero (head trauma) patients tend to get very agitated and depressed as the brain begin to heal because they remember or learn more and more, but can't quite do things. So we will need all the help we can get in keeping Dad's spirits up for this long journey.

There will be bad days and good days, but man I just can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!!

P.S. I knew I was right about Dad rubbing my arm when I hugged him yesterday!

Day 8 of Dad's Recovery

Alrightly, so this morning I was thoroughly depressed, as I know most of you were, about the news from yesterday. I can't quite wrap my mind around not hearing Dad sing again. I didn't sleep well, and wanted to head up to the hospital as soon as a could this morning.

Well, I have decided I'm done listening to what the doctors say "might" happen. I'm tired of that kind of bull crap talk. There are so many "mights", or "maybes", or the darn "possibles"!! In my opinion I'm not going to expect the worse and the wait to be happily surprised when something good happens. I'm going to be hopefully optimistic and then if something bad happens then be sad. I can't continue to be sad, sad, sad, and wait to be happy.

This is why, like I said this morning I was depressed, well when I got to the hospital Dad was awake more then I have ever seen him. He was not squirming around like he was uncomfortable or in pain. We seemed very comfortable and relaxed. His eyes were open and he was looking around a lot. I asked the nurse how he had done during the night. She said he had slept all night and that this morning he stood up twice with the help of the physical therapists.

Okay, so that is great news. So, I sat down next to Dad and talked to him about my day. He would look at me, then turn away, then look back, then fall asleep, then look at me. To me that is pretty cool because all he has done was close his eyes or scrunch up his face. Then I put some earphones in his ears and played him some music. I played him the song that the BCC Hour of Incense Singers recorded for Dad last Sunday (this is a singing group Dad is a part of at the Bountiful Community Church). He listened and murmured at a point in the song. Then I played the songs Dad wrote for him. He closed his eyes and I thought he had fallen asleep so I took out the earphone. As soon as I did he would open his eyes. So I put the earphones back in his ears and he listened and closed his eyes again. I think he was concentrating on listening to the music. I know he doesn't understand language so I tried to hum the songs and tap the beat to the rhythm with him. No response yet, but I'm hopeful!

Then I picked up a picture of our family and held it up to him to look at (Dad is as blind as a bat). He looked at it and it seemed like he was concentrating on the picture. Then to my surprise he reached up and took a hold of the picture. He held it and looked at it before dropping his hand. I tried this again and again but he didn't ever reach up for it again. If I put the picture near his hand he would hold it but never reached for it. I spoke with Mike (Dad's brother) and he also said he held up a picture to Dad this evening and that he did reach up to take it. Who knows, perhaps he is thinking there is some recognition to those pictures.

Okay, so to the most exciting part. As I was saying goodbye to Dad I bent down to give him a hug. I put my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his waist. At this Dad put his hand on my arm and rubbed my arm up and down. This is what Dad always did when he gave me hugs. It wasn't an automatic reflex like squeezing a hand or holding something that is put in front of him. I have watched his hand movements and he grabs his blankets, clutches his hospital gown, squeezes fingers, pushes down on the bed, but I have never once seen him flatten out his hand and rub something. I know that Dad was giving me affection back. I know it. Yes, it could be wishful thinking, but you know what screw wishful thinking. I'm done with wishful thinking. I will continue to BELIEVE that Dad is slowly getting better and then two years down the road if he is the same, then, and only then, will I accept the reality of Dad staying the way he is. For heavens sake we are only in this one single week! It's not like it has been 6 months and we still haven't seen anything positive happen.

So tomorrow between morning and one o'clock (nice time frame, eh) Dad will go into surgery for the stomach feeding tube. Sorry I keep forgetting the appropriate name. So send your prayers, and positive healing energy Dads way!

Also in case people didn't catch my comment on the "comment" board. I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments. The more a see and hear that people are reading this, the better I feel. This blog has been so helpful to keep me grounded. If I didn't think people cared enough to read this I don't think I could keep writing it. Plus, just to know that so many people from Florida to California are reading this makes me so happy. Just to know you are all fighting for Dad is such a comfort to me. Keep up those comments and keep adding followers! I know Dad will love to read this when he wakes up.

Day 7 of Jim's Recovery

Tuesday, November 11th, one whole week into Dad's recovery and we received some bad news. They took some more CT scans today and found that Dad's brain will "very likely" be permanently damaged. The blood clot has reduced slightly and where it is no longer, there are dark marks left. This signifies permanent brain damage. Now, some of it "may" still be swelling, but most likely it will be permanent. What does this mean? Well, I asked the Doctors the same question, and, of course, they gave me lots of possibilities.

First, this could mean that Dad will never be able to speak or understand language ever again. Second, it could mean that it will take Dad years and tons of physical therapy to regain his speech. Does it mean that he will always need people to take care of him? Possibly. It could also mean that he may come out of this, regain consciousness, but just not be able to speak. Whatever way you want to look at it we are looking long term.

So where do we go from here? Well, we start by putting a permanent feeding tube that is connected to his stomach. He may be able to eat again but at the moment he is not and the Doctors are concerned about sinus infections if we leave the other feeding tube in. So that procedure will happen tomorrow. Now, just to warn everyone he will have to be put under anesthesia and with a brain trauma they do not know how his body will react. Everyone knows that anesthesia is a risk, but we have no other options if we are going to get Dad better.

Next, Dad will be moved to a nursing facility within the next week or two. The Doctors have done everything they can for him and now we just wait until he heals. He needs to be somewhere where he can get help from a nurse 24/7. This doesn't mean he will spend the rest of his life in a nursing home. This also does not mean we are putting him there to die. He just needs medical treatment without the care of Doctors and constant interruptions from hospital life.

Also, please we know that many of you would like to see Dad as soon as possible but my Mom, Erin, and I can not constantly make arrangements to meet people at the hospital to allow them access to the NCCU. So please, please bare with us and we will inform everyone when he is moved to the nursing home and when people may start visiting. Hang in there everyone. We know how much you all love Dad, he is the greatest guy ever. Thanks you for your patients.

I have been trying for the past week to describe the mental state Dad is in and have not felt that I have done a good job. Today the social worker said that Dad is in a "Sleepy Comma," which means that Dad opens his eyes and moves but his brain is in a state of being in a comma. I hope this helps everyone understand Dad's condition. Love you all.

Day 6 of Jim's Recovery

First off, I just want to send out another HUGE thank you to all our neighbors, friends, and family who have supported us and kept us afloat these last 6 days. I am crying while I am writing this because I just read through all of your comments and am so grateful that so many of you care for Dad so much. I know that with so much love, prayers, and positive energy flowing towards Dad he will get better in time. I just hate time!! Forgive us (Mom, Erin, and Jamie) if we seem out of it or irritable we are moving out of that numb faze to the "how can I handle this" faze.

Well, day 6 brings news that Dad will soon be moved out of the NCCU to a different department. There they will continue to monitor and treat him. They are moving him out of the NCCU because he is no longer in critical condition but he is not anywhere near better yet. The other sad, sad news is if he does not respond then after a couple weeks he will need to be moved to a nursing home. Oh, I can't imagine Dad in a nursing home... The reason he will be moved to a nursing home is because he is not responding and cannot participate in physical therapy. I'm just praying that the next couple weeks will show some response from Dad.

On his progress today the Physical Therapist tried to get Dad to stand again today. Unfortunately, he would not and barely sat up. He would slump down and not hold up his weight. The nurse did feel that this could be due to his medication. The nurses are trying to get Dad's days and nights correct. So they are giving him less pain meds during the day to keep him awake (but he is severely uncomfortable) and then sleep meds at night. Hopefully tomorrow he won't be too drugged so that he can participate in his physical therapy.

This evening Matt (my husband) and I went to the hospital. Dad had his eyes open quite a bit and was very restless. Still no recognition of us is showing in his eyes but he is looking! To me Dad's responses seem delayed for everything. It's as if he is swimming and he needs to swim through the haze to respond. Not that I'm a nurse but I swear some of his delayed hand squeezes or face scrunches are to a question asked a few minutes prior. For instance, if any of you can remember, whenever Dad was asked something he didn't agree with or thought was funny or he was concerned about he would scrunch up his eyes and mouth. So I will ask him something or tell him something and a few minutes later or sometimes right after he will scrunch up his face. Sometimes I know it is because the pain, but others I would swear are responses to questions.

Another plus is that Dad was starting to mumble tonight. One time he said "ow" the others were not understandable. It was just different sounds, but different is good, right? The doctors and nurses weren't as hyped as I was. But then his mumbles made me a little worried because they were just that, mumbles, which really made him sound like he is truly not mentally there.

Also as Matt was talking to Dad he mentioned Dad's dogs names, Angelo and Crowja. At the mention of the names he lifted up his eyebrows. This is the first time he has done this! I don't want to give myself a false sense of hope but all I have to hold onto is hope. So I look for the positive in all Dad does. The doctors like to tell us that to truly know if his mind is getting better is if he can repeat things or do things on command. I think he is trying to communicate through Jim responses the doctors don't know about!

Day 5 of Jim's Recovery

So the biggest news today is the Doctors made Dad stand. They had him sit up then moved him off the bed and made him stand. This is great because he held his own weight. The only sad thing is he still is not there mentally. At least his brain is functioning enough to get him to stand.

The nurse also has him on less pain medication. She wants to start getting his days and nights correct. So she gives him enough pain med to take the edge off but not enough to take it all away. This causes Dad to groan and scrunch his face a lot. He also moves and pushes himself up. I tried to massage his feet today because the nurse said he probably has pains from standing up. Can you imagine what those muscles feel like. Having to have your arms in restraints so that you don't pull at your tubes. Then all your muscles screaming because you have to lay on your back all the time. Then add falling down a huge flight of stairs to add that to your muscle pain. Dad did not have a happy day today! Well, Dad wouldn't let me massage his feet for long. Perhaps it was because he is ticklish on his feet or they just were too sore.

The Doctors are going to keep Dad in the NCCU (Nero Critical Care Unit) until he starts responding or can do more things on his own. Plus, they are still giving him respiratory therapy for the fluid on his lungs. Perhaps tomorrow we will see more Dad in his eyes. I pray for that moment everyday.

Day 4 of Jim's Recovery

    Well, today was the pivotal day. Thank goodness we made it through it. No new changes which, for the fourth day, is good. Dad was looking around a lot and starting to thrash again. We are so happy he is opening his eyes, but he still is not there. It is so hard to explain to people what he looks like. When he looks at you he is looking right at you but it's a far away, glossy look. So to say that he is doing good is not quite the wording I want to use. There is minor progress and I am so thankful for that, but I want to see my Dad behind those eyes!  Okay getting off track sorry. 

     The nurses were able to get quite a bit of fluid off of his lungs today and he sounds better. Mom was there today and said he got a bath and he looks better. Being the fourth day and the most pivotal we are so happy that he didn't go down hill today. So hopefully each day brings just a slight improvement from the next. 

     We wanted to thank everyone who came out to help us clean and move my parents into their new house. There were several family members, neighbors, and friends and everyone there gave their full effort. We were able to clean up all the construction mess, get furniture in, and unpack boxes. We even had friends go buy groceries for Mom so that she would have stuff in the house and not have to worry about anything. When Mom came home she began to cry, of course, how could she not. She is so thankful and grateful to everyone and thinks everything is perfect. It was a bittersweet moment. We were so happy that my parents were moved in but so heart broken Dad couldn't be there. Thank you for taking so much stress off of Mom. I know you all would have made Dad cry too, and he is not a man that lets a tear fall easily. I believe they will still be keeping Dad in the intensive care unit until they truly feel he is on the mend. So continue with those prayers. We love you all!

Day 3 of Jim's Recovery

    Friday, November 7th, the days just seem to mix together. I keep forgetting what day it is and what happened yesterday. Well, again this is just a waiting game and I know that you are as anxious as we are to see some kind of breakthrough, there were a couple incidences, but the doctors feel he is the same. 

     We spoke to the doctor this evening and she said there are no changes in Dad's status. This is a good thing because they believe that the bleeding and swelling have not gotten worse. The Doctors will not be giving Dad another CT scan unless he goes downhill drastically. They don't like to give patients that much exposure to radiation. So we don't know if the bleeding has gotten worse. If it has it is not affecting him enough we need to be alarmed. The nurses and doctors watch pupil dilation, blood work, oxygen level, and heart rate to determine how he is progressing. The doctors biggest concern right now is clearing the liquid in his lungs. They have him on respiratory therapy and continue to try to suction out the fluid moving up from his lungs. They have put in some sort of plug in his nose to help move the suction tube down his throat because he continues to bite down when things are put in his mouth. 

     Now as the pain medication will wear off the nurses wait some time to give him more. They like to see how he is responding and if he can communicate. Later this afternoon, Erin, Mom, and I were at the hospital and he began to open his eyes. This is so much better from yesterday because he was hardly opening them at all. We were all talking to him and I bent down so that I was close to his face. He looked at me and I said "Hey, Dad it's Jamie" and it seemed like he smiled!! He does a lot of grimacing like he is uncomfortable or in pain so I can't be certain. But, to me it seemed like a directed grin, plus he didn't show his teeth which he does if he is grimacing. Again, this is all awesome but the Doctors have to remind us that today and tomorrow are the critical days. Maybe they have to say that so they don't get sued if things do go wrong. Pray for Dad tomorrow so that he can get over this hump. 

     Well, later in the evening around 9:00PM I decide to go back to the hospital. I was in SLC and didn't want to leave until I got a chance to go see him. When I got there the nurse said she was going to give him some more pain medication but would wait to see if he would respond to me being there. He began to open his eyes and look around quite a bit. As the nurse was examining him and talking to him I piped up and said Hi to him. Dad then turned away from the nurse to look towards the sound of my voice. Usually he doesn't turn his head unless the nurses pinch him. I was so happy! He looked right at me but the look was more like a look of trying to comprehend something he should know. If we could hear what he was saying I would interpret the look as "I think I know you." After that I couldn't leave so I just kept talking to him. 

     At one point I decided to sing him a song, I sang "Daddy won't you swing me." At first he kept his eyes shut and wasn't responding but by the time I reached the last verse he looked at me for a few seconds then grimaced. Again, most likely he grimaced due to the pain but I felt and wanted to interpret it as if he were sad because I was singing him that song! For those of you who don't know the song, Dad wrote "Swing Me" because he used to push us kids in the great big tire swing in my backyard. I can remember sitting downstairs in WVC as he wrote and changed and fixed the song to what it is today. 

    

     Anyway, I don't know if his eyes were watering or if he got tears but I swear I made some connections tonight. I just pray that it's not wishful thinking. So tomorrow we will be cleaning and moving my parents stuff into their house. We could use all the help we can get, so if you would like to come text one of us for the address. I'm really anxious for tomorrow to be over with so that we know for sure Dad is on the mend.