Day 8 of Dad's Recovery

Alrightly, so this morning I was thoroughly depressed, as I know most of you were, about the news from yesterday. I can't quite wrap my mind around not hearing Dad sing again. I didn't sleep well, and wanted to head up to the hospital as soon as a could this morning.

Well, I have decided I'm done listening to what the doctors say "might" happen. I'm tired of that kind of bull crap talk. There are so many "mights", or "maybes", or the darn "possibles"!! In my opinion I'm not going to expect the worse and the wait to be happily surprised when something good happens. I'm going to be hopefully optimistic and then if something bad happens then be sad. I can't continue to be sad, sad, sad, and wait to be happy.

This is why, like I said this morning I was depressed, well when I got to the hospital Dad was awake more then I have ever seen him. He was not squirming around like he was uncomfortable or in pain. We seemed very comfortable and relaxed. His eyes were open and he was looking around a lot. I asked the nurse how he had done during the night. She said he had slept all night and that this morning he stood up twice with the help of the physical therapists.

Okay, so that is great news. So, I sat down next to Dad and talked to him about my day. He would look at me, then turn away, then look back, then fall asleep, then look at me. To me that is pretty cool because all he has done was close his eyes or scrunch up his face. Then I put some earphones in his ears and played him some music. I played him the song that the BCC Hour of Incense Singers recorded for Dad last Sunday (this is a singing group Dad is a part of at the Bountiful Community Church). He listened and murmured at a point in the song. Then I played the songs Dad wrote for him. He closed his eyes and I thought he had fallen asleep so I took out the earphone. As soon as I did he would open his eyes. So I put the earphones back in his ears and he listened and closed his eyes again. I think he was concentrating on listening to the music. I know he doesn't understand language so I tried to hum the songs and tap the beat to the rhythm with him. No response yet, but I'm hopeful!

Then I picked up a picture of our family and held it up to him to look at (Dad is as blind as a bat). He looked at it and it seemed like he was concentrating on the picture. Then to my surprise he reached up and took a hold of the picture. He held it and looked at it before dropping his hand. I tried this again and again but he didn't ever reach up for it again. If I put the picture near his hand he would hold it but never reached for it. I spoke with Mike (Dad's brother) and he also said he held up a picture to Dad this evening and that he did reach up to take it. Who knows, perhaps he is thinking there is some recognition to those pictures.

Okay, so to the most exciting part. As I was saying goodbye to Dad I bent down to give him a hug. I put my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his waist. At this Dad put his hand on my arm and rubbed my arm up and down. This is what Dad always did when he gave me hugs. It wasn't an automatic reflex like squeezing a hand or holding something that is put in front of him. I have watched his hand movements and he grabs his blankets, clutches his hospital gown, squeezes fingers, pushes down on the bed, but I have never once seen him flatten out his hand and rub something. I know that Dad was giving me affection back. I know it. Yes, it could be wishful thinking, but you know what screw wishful thinking. I'm done with wishful thinking. I will continue to BELIEVE that Dad is slowly getting better and then two years down the road if he is the same, then, and only then, will I accept the reality of Dad staying the way he is. For heavens sake we are only in this one single week! It's not like it has been 6 months and we still haven't seen anything positive happen.

So tomorrow between morning and one o'clock (nice time frame, eh) Dad will go into surgery for the stomach feeding tube. Sorry I keep forgetting the appropriate name. So send your prayers, and positive healing energy Dads way!

Also in case people didn't catch my comment on the "comment" board. I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments. The more a see and hear that people are reading this, the better I feel. This blog has been so helpful to keep me grounded. If I didn't think people cared enough to read this I don't think I could keep writing it. Plus, just to know that so many people from Florida to California are reading this makes me so happy. Just to know you are all fighting for Dad is such a comfort to me. Keep up those comments and keep adding followers! I know Dad will love to read this when he wakes up.